I've been lying in bed thinking, and my mind is going 100 miles an hour, and I took a double dose of cough syrup, so I should be out like a light. But regardless, there's a boy to think about and what I'm going to wear Wednesday night at the ball, and other such things remain infuriatingly close to my conciousness, keeping unconciousness on the outer.
I began thinking about my blog, and how I probably wouldn't want most of my friends to read it (as it is, it has caused problems) as it is kind of dorky and I get embarassed. And then this in turn lead to me think about how it doesn't really get read except by a very select few, and then how people start these blogs and they become these international points of interest. It's crazy. I guess I'm nto very stylish, or controversial or have any real opinion about anything that sticks.
Body image is such a loaded topic, and most of the time just turns into a big cliche anyway. What I do know is that I still spend a fair proportion of my time (much, MUCH more than I'd care to admit) stressing, cursing, pondering and raging about how I look, and what needs improvement. Obviously, the message is to be happy as you are, as long as you're healthy. Sorry to all those deliriously happy fat people. I could change how I looked, if I worked hard, but it's just not something that's a big priority to me. Every few months people seem to comment that I appear to have lost weight; I'm not getting any smaller on a regular basis, and I'm definitely bigger than say, 3 years ago, so I don't know what to put this down to.
As mentioned before, I have that weird, terribly perverse idea of becoming morbidly obese, just to challenge someone to fall in love with your personality. I have no desire to be fat. I actually have a deep seated desire to have a flat stomach; I can live with all my other flaws as they are. I probably could have it, well I know I could, and in the future I will more than likely try harder but it just doesn't mean much now. I get bored in seconds as soon as people start talking about how much they weigh, how they look fat in what they're wearing etc. I find it irrelevant, but I try to be sensitive because it has a big role in how some people see themselves.
This woman was voted the sexiest woman alive in Esquire magazine and a British MP hailed her as the ideal role model to women. Clearly, Christina Hendricks is amazingly beautiful, and the woman swears she will not go losing any weight. Good on her. Because like, say, Beth Ditto, the size isn't important. It's the response to the critics. 99% of the time, the media wins. The star slims down, falls in line, follows the trend. Even now, I can't even begin to imagine the strength of character you would need to be your own person in this business. And that's sad, because, it should be easy.
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