Wow.

Someone commented on my blog, and they are friends with Marieke Hardy.
This is dang exciting. I'm going to Melbourne again tomorrow. Not much else is happening lately except I'm working a lot, so I'm swearing a lot and starting to sound like a bit of a tosser. Also, I'm talking to someone I never really envisioned myself talking to and although currently all logic and common sense is eluding me, it feels really right for some reason.

Also, I also told someone that I like sex as a separate entity. I'd never told anyone that before. I don't know what that says about the people in my life who I usually tell stuff to haha. Well, at any rate I have to go have a shower, so I don't look mingin' when I rock up at work.

Today I saw a pregnant woman smoking, and I think this well and truly entitled her to be cunt-punted. And I never say cunt. Except now, when I said it twice.

Tonight work was bad, then good. The generator blew so the beer was pouring SO slowly. It was balls. But then it was quiet and I got to go home early. I wish this internet wasn't so fucking retarded, I would put up more pictures.

Through my huge lesbian crush on Marieke Hardy and reading through 142 pages of her blog, from 2007, systematically, so I don't miss one SINGLE word of her repartee, I have found so many cool blogs, written by people who are funny and interesting, and whilst making me ecstatically happy that these people exist, it does put one's own life in a harsh perspective and make me feel rather undeducated and intellectually disabled.

I had a big breakdown to my Mum in the backseat of the car, in Olive St, outside of Baker Motors, so it was highly innappropriate but kind of nice too, since I just told her all the stuff I've been thinking about for the last month and a half. I think we got somewhere. Which is something, since I am the most stubborn, irritating, grudge-holding and irrational person ever sometimes and she just manages to make me feel so fucking pissed off for no reason. Which of course, doesn't help my sneaking suspicion that I'm a bad person.

Does everyone who starts a blog begin to think, at some point, they were being very presumptuous when they entered the blogosphere? As in, entertaining the idea that people enjoyed reading their thoughts on life? Or whatever it is you do. I'm starting to feel this way. And time spent here is time away from Marieke. No good on any account. But you know, I'll keep going? Maybe it's a perserverence thing....but they said that about the Iraq War, and that seems to be working out super duper-ly well for all involved.

the only time i feel alright, is by your side.

Well that's a dirty big lie.
I don't feel like that towards anyone at the moment. I feel like my head is like that massive intersection in France, where there are like 10 million lanes of traffic and there are accidents every 10 minutes. Whatever. I have all these thoughts again and again and again and eventually they hit each other and explode. But they are surprisingly resilient.
I'm quite tired of feeling like I can't express how I feel.
I'm quite tired of being boring, and indecisive and infuriating, and unremarkable.
I'm quite tired full stop. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I'm taking in my Holga to see if I made it work right. And taking Clare to get her ears pierced. Oh I got my nose pierced?

we would sing, and dance about, because we know we can't be found

Wow, I saw these movies in the last 24 hours: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, The Boat That Rocked and (500) Days of Summer. They were all actually amazing. The music was just, so good.
I set myself up with an iTunes account with my new fancy pants debit card and now the real risk is that I will never have any money because all of a sudden I can buy all these albums that I have wanted forever in like 5 minutes. I'm scaring myself.
Anyway I stayed at Grace's last night and it was fun. Then had to run around for Mum this morning sorting out our fucking shitbox of a car. I'm angry at her again. It's too easy. There's something wrong with me, she does one little thing, and it's like an excuse to just hate her for all her shortcomings. Which are surely less than mine. I hate myself but can't bring myself to fix it. She is just so frustrating, and I'm so tired of this happening every week.

RIP Patrick Swayze

I think i might be quietly losing my mind.

la la la.

I've started going through my myspace comments, oldest to newest and deleting them. The only thing that was holding me back from getting rid of my myspace was all the memories. It's so much fun reading all the lame things we talked about. So good.

Watched "The Party" again yesterday. I love it so much. I could live in that movie, I swear it.

Not the greatest frame of mind....

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."



I really love this movie, as terrible as it is :)

Last night, she said, oh baby I feel so down....

Last night was probably my best night out since I got home, it was so great. Even better, I sorted things out with someone who I wasn't really talking to, and it was someone I really, really missed so it was pretty flipping sweet, despite being unexpected. Everytime I try to upload the photos to facebook, my firefox closes. It's GAY. I'm so tired. I didn't go to sleep until 7am. And then woke up at 9am. Which was super smart and good life choice #904385098564 for me. But it doesn't really matter. I ate so much rubbish today. It means I have to make a minorly concerted effort to exercise tomorrow. I have to go do some resume dropping too. My internet is just shitttttttttt. I am SO frustrated. But seriously, last night was the best.

Friday evening nostalgia.

Fridays used to be the best. School was always fun, because you pretty much had like, spelling, art, then sport for half the day. When the bell went at 3.30, your happiness spiralled out of control because that's the moment when the weekend is at it's longest point.You always got to eat take away for dinner. It was fucking sick. Now Friday is usually just another day. Today was pretty good though, as far as my run of the mill Fridays go. I woke up with Loz and then went to have breakfast with Stu. I hadn't seen him since I got back so it was really nice. We got to have eggs and cigs :) Then I drove home. It was kind of boring. It was lucky I had England's Newest Hitmakers to keep me company. Then I got to have Char Kway Teou with Em. Then Kee came and visited. And then Clare and I watched one and half movies. I fixed my resume. I made a cup of tea. I started crying when I couldn't find Sydney Rd, and had to get on Citylink instead. Which was completely unwarranted. I got seen by someone who I really rather didn't.

I spent 4 days in Ballarat visiting my best friend. Which was really good, and saved me sitting around home since I didn't have to work this week. I saw an old best friend perform in front of a sold out audience. She took my breath away, I'm so proud of her. It does put one's life achievements into a slightly harsh perspective but I was so wrapped up in a complete bubble of love I didn't let that get in the way.