I fucking scare myself in my capacity to always really want something and then get there and have all sorts of doubts. What if I'm never satisfied with anything?! I'm such a fruit loop sometimes.
I love how in Albury, 90% of the clothing items cater very directly to one demographic, one that starts with 't' and ends with 'rashbag'. I'm not overly tall so why is it that I struggle to locate a dress that is even close to being a respectable length? So much has changed in one year, I'm struggling to remember what I liked about this town, and going out.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Love like a bird flies away.
The Paul Kelly TributeWent to Harry's last night for some magic cake and good times with the Breakfast Club. Really good, but did not want to go to work this afternoon. For the first time in over a year, I actually kind of feel like I might have a bit of a jones for someone. Cool hey.
On a much sadder note, but also very nostalgic, my other Stella, this little bundle of joy and love and happiness:
was hit by a car yesterday and died. I miss her so much, and will probably continue to do so for a while. RIP Stel-bel, I love you very dearly.
Monday, November 9, 2009
hold on.
Did a little blog stalk.
Things that make me feel like tearing my hair out and dissolve into tears:
- Laurie's blog. I will never be this cool. No over several lifetimes. Just looking at her makes my soul smile. But simultaneously feel that uncomfortable internal ebb and flow of my life and it's inadequacies.
- People listing what they have eaten during the day. It stresses me out, period. It's probably something I could take on board, especially since I'm so annoyed with myself these days, but it just smacks of "Thinspiration" etc.
There's girl who I know, and she is not a friend of mine. Not in a bad way, we just aren't friends, through no fault of either of us. But she is very good friends with a friend of mine. She is currently very sick, which I think is terrible, and I am thinking of her, her family, and those who love her and are close to her. No-one likes to watch someone who is in possession of part of their heart waste away. However, so many people around her sucscribe and encourage this sort of lifestyle, a lifestyle dominated by control and a distorted body image. I am no expert. I admit to being horribly uninformed. I ought to keep my mouth shut, but I feel affected by it.
- Capitalism. Because their face/body is aesthetically pleasing and they are very proficient at making films (and films still, to this day, remain one of the most convenient and effective means of escapism), entitles them to earn far more in one year alone, than most people need in their entire lives to live comfortably. There is no "one-step" solution to any one world issue, but it is so blatantly irresponsibly way to allow people to live this way, when so many others have, not even little, they have nothing.
- My bed. Because it's still just a mattress on the ground. And I haven't slept well in 2 and half months.
- Love. Because I'm in love with so many people, and so many of them do not deserve my unrequited love, but that's just how it happens.
- My sister. I live in fear she has stopped loving me. It's absolutely, 100% breaking my heart.
Things that make me feel like tearing my hair out and dissolve into tears:
- Laurie's blog. I will never be this cool. No over several lifetimes. Just looking at her makes my soul smile. But simultaneously feel that uncomfortable internal ebb and flow of my life and it's inadequacies.
- People listing what they have eaten during the day. It stresses me out, period. It's probably something I could take on board, especially since I'm so annoyed with myself these days, but it just smacks of "Thinspiration" etc.
There's girl who I know, and she is not a friend of mine. Not in a bad way, we just aren't friends, through no fault of either of us. But she is very good friends with a friend of mine. She is currently very sick, which I think is terrible, and I am thinking of her, her family, and those who love her and are close to her. No-one likes to watch someone who is in possession of part of their heart waste away. However, so many people around her sucscribe and encourage this sort of lifestyle, a lifestyle dominated by control and a distorted body image. I am no expert. I admit to being horribly uninformed. I ought to keep my mouth shut, but I feel affected by it.
- Capitalism. Because their face/body is aesthetically pleasing and they are very proficient at making films (and films still, to this day, remain one of the most convenient and effective means of escapism), entitles them to earn far more in one year alone, than most people need in their entire lives to live comfortably. There is no "one-step" solution to any one world issue, but it is so blatantly irresponsibly way to allow people to live this way, when so many others have, not even little, they have nothing.
- My bed. Because it's still just a mattress on the ground. And I haven't slept well in 2 and half months.
- Love. Because I'm in love with so many people, and so many of them do not deserve my unrequited love, but that's just how it happens.
- My sister. I live in fear she has stopped loving me. It's absolutely, 100% breaking my heart.
house party
So fun. I was feeling really shitty after tennis and felt like doing sweet fuck all, but I'm glad I didn't, even though it meant more clothes crisis' and pointless obsession over how I look? In a non-anorexic, very half-hearted way haha. Still. Went and picked up Pelly and saw Mick and Cheryl who I miss like nobody's business. Went to Bartram's, met several charming Wodonga girls who squealed a lot and one nice one was wearing a singlet so her ass had under-cleavage. Took Rach to Paddy's, went to work to get some cider and went back to the part-ay.
It was so fun in the end and I didn't even drink much so I wasn't hung the next day, just tired because I didn't sleep until 4.30 on account of physically being unable to stop laughing. We spoon-trained to our hearts content and I just had such a lovely evening which such lovely people. I had to work at 12, but I ily work these days so even that was fun. These Irish guys talked to us for like 2 hours and one of them wanted to get in Tanya's pants so we got like $30 dollars in tips. I've saved like almost $200 just from not spending my tips :).
Got stuck here; I'm halfway through cleaning my room which, it's fair to say, has never been this fucking filthy.
It was so fun in the end and I didn't even drink much so I wasn't hung the next day, just tired because I didn't sleep until 4.30 on account of physically being unable to stop laughing. We spoon-trained to our hearts content and I just had such a lovely evening which such lovely people. I had to work at 12, but I ily work these days so even that was fun. These Irish guys talked to us for like 2 hours and one of them wanted to get in Tanya's pants so we got like $30 dollars in tips. I've saved like almost $200 just from not spending my tips :).
Got stuck here; I'm halfway through cleaning my room which, it's fair to say, has never been this fucking filthy.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Pop pop pop!
That's who I'm bettingfor - Alcopop. I have never placed a bet on the TAB at work in my life. Today shall be a first. So, go Alcopop!
Spending my (hard)earned dollarzzzzzz on festival tix. I'm going to Good Vibes http://www.gvf.com.au/ and the Laneway Festival, which technically isn't in a Laneway anymore. http://www.lanewayfestival.com.au/ But anyhoo, that one's on the 30th of Jan, the day before the Australian Open finishes. So they will pretty much love me when I'm like soz, gtg to festival, can't wrk ladies finalzzzz. haha! Suck it massive corporation. Judging from the hygiene thing I had to go to, there's a good chance I will send them bankrupt anyway by sneezing in someone's food and giving them some virus. SICK. So then also, I have Falls and I'm going to Shoreham. Shoreham is fun, it looks like this:
That's who I'm bettingfor - Alcopop. I have never placed a bet on the TAB at work in my life. Today shall be a first. So, go Alcopop!
Spending my (hard)earned dollarzzzzzz on festival tix. I'm going to Good Vibes http://www.gvf.com.au/ and the Laneway Festival, which technically isn't in a Laneway anymore. http://www.lanewayfestival.com.au/ But anyhoo, that one's on the 30th of Jan, the day before the Australian Open finishes. So they will pretty much love me when I'm like soz, gtg to festival, can't wrk ladies finalzzzz. haha! Suck it massive corporation. Judging from the hygiene thing I had to go to, there's a good chance I will send them bankrupt anyway by sneezing in someone's food and giving them some virus. SICK. So then also, I have Falls and I'm going to Shoreham. Shoreham is fun, it looks like this:
Pretty little thing, ain't it.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Another extremely successful Melbourne trip.
Little Red and The Vasco Era were orgasm-inducing. So freaking good. I went to Myrtleford today, and Pete and I stood in the river. I'm really longing for a good book and this warm weather...well, it speaks for itself. It is nothing short of delightful. Mum is baking pumpkin pie so I'll get to pretend that I'm American and that it's Thanksgiving, like in the movies.
Little Red and The Vasco Era were orgasm-inducing. So freaking good. I went to Myrtleford today, and Pete and I stood in the river. I'm really longing for a good book and this warm weather...well, it speaks for itself. It is nothing short of delightful. Mum is baking pumpkin pie so I'll get to pretend that I'm American and that it's Thanksgiving, like in the movies.
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