God I'm lame. But I love it!
Wasted - The Donnas
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Apologies
I'm sorry for harping on about the no sleep thing. It's the next night and I have tried to do right by myself in getting into bed at a reasonable hour, yet sleep won't find me.
I've been lying in bed thinking, and my mind is going 100 miles an hour, and I took a double dose of cough syrup, so I should be out like a light. But regardless, there's a boy to think about and what I'm going to wear Wednesday night at the ball, and other such things remain infuriatingly close to my conciousness, keeping unconciousness on the outer.
I began thinking about my blog, and how I probably wouldn't want most of my friends to read it (as it is, it has caused problems) as it is kind of dorky and I get embarassed. And then this in turn lead to me think about how it doesn't really get read except by a very select few, and then how people start these blogs and they become these international points of interest. It's crazy. I guess I'm nto very stylish, or controversial or have any real opinion about anything that sticks.
Body image is such a loaded topic, and most of the time just turns into a big cliche anyway. What I do know is that I still spend a fair proportion of my time (much, MUCH more than I'd care to admit) stressing, cursing, pondering and raging about how I look, and what needs improvement. Obviously, the message is to be happy as you are, as long as you're healthy. Sorry to all those deliriously happy fat people. I could change how I looked, if I worked hard, but it's just not something that's a big priority to me. Every few months people seem to comment that I appear to have lost weight; I'm not getting any smaller on a regular basis, and I'm definitely bigger than say, 3 years ago, so I don't know what to put this down to.
As mentioned before, I have that weird, terribly perverse idea of becoming morbidly obese, just to challenge someone to fall in love with your personality. I have no desire to be fat. I actually have a deep seated desire to have a flat stomach; I can live with all my other flaws as they are. I probably could have it, well I know I could, and in the future I will more than likely try harder but it just doesn't mean much now. I get bored in seconds as soon as people start talking about how much they weigh, how they look fat in what they're wearing etc. I find it irrelevant, but I try to be sensitive because it has a big role in how some people see themselves.
This woman was voted the sexiest woman alive in Esquire magazine and a British MP hailed her as the ideal role model to women. Clearly, Christina Hendricks is amazingly beautiful, and the woman swears she will not go losing any weight. Good on her. Because like, say, Beth Ditto, the size isn't important. It's the response to the critics. 99% of the time, the media wins. The star slims down, falls in line, follows the trend. Even now, I can't even begin to imagine the strength of character you would need to be your own person in this business. And that's sad, because, it should be easy.
I've been lying in bed thinking, and my mind is going 100 miles an hour, and I took a double dose of cough syrup, so I should be out like a light. But regardless, there's a boy to think about and what I'm going to wear Wednesday night at the ball, and other such things remain infuriatingly close to my conciousness, keeping unconciousness on the outer.
I began thinking about my blog, and how I probably wouldn't want most of my friends to read it (as it is, it has caused problems) as it is kind of dorky and I get embarassed. And then this in turn lead to me think about how it doesn't really get read except by a very select few, and then how people start these blogs and they become these international points of interest. It's crazy. I guess I'm nto very stylish, or controversial or have any real opinion about anything that sticks.
Body image is such a loaded topic, and most of the time just turns into a big cliche anyway. What I do know is that I still spend a fair proportion of my time (much, MUCH more than I'd care to admit) stressing, cursing, pondering and raging about how I look, and what needs improvement. Obviously, the message is to be happy as you are, as long as you're healthy. Sorry to all those deliriously happy fat people. I could change how I looked, if I worked hard, but it's just not something that's a big priority to me. Every few months people seem to comment that I appear to have lost weight; I'm not getting any smaller on a regular basis, and I'm definitely bigger than say, 3 years ago, so I don't know what to put this down to.
As mentioned before, I have that weird, terribly perverse idea of becoming morbidly obese, just to challenge someone to fall in love with your personality. I have no desire to be fat. I actually have a deep seated desire to have a flat stomach; I can live with all my other flaws as they are. I probably could have it, well I know I could, and in the future I will more than likely try harder but it just doesn't mean much now. I get bored in seconds as soon as people start talking about how much they weigh, how they look fat in what they're wearing etc. I find it irrelevant, but I try to be sensitive because it has a big role in how some people see themselves.
This woman was voted the sexiest woman alive in Esquire magazine and a British MP hailed her as the ideal role model to women. Clearly, Christina Hendricks is amazingly beautiful, and the woman swears she will not go losing any weight. Good on her. Because like, say, Beth Ditto, the size isn't important. It's the response to the critics. 99% of the time, the media wins. The star slims down, falls in line, follows the trend. Even now, I can't even begin to imagine the strength of character you would need to be your own person in this business. And that's sad, because, it should be easy.
Sickness.
I can't stop coughing. So I've resigned myself to the fact I will be bad at life again tomorrow and will watched Bring It On now.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Day 14 (July 24): A hero who has let you down.
Well, I don't really have a hero/heroes. And anyone who I have an unnatural obsession with tends to be far enough removed from my actual life that they don't really have the capacity to disappoint me, except by making lousy music.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
These questions are actually draining me of my will to live. Well, at some point in your life, you always are forced to live without someone you think you can't live without, because it's out of your hands. I really missed eating Milo cereal when I was in Japan, but I seemed to be alive while I was there, which constitutes 'living' without something.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Microeconomics.
Day 17: A book you've read that changed your views on something.
Harry Potter. Now I feel as if I can blame my terrible moods on Dementors.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Two of my close friends are gay. But even if they weren't my close friends, I still feel incredibly strongly about gay people being allowed to get married. The fact they can't is a stupid and outdated concept, and is a sad and frustrating reflection on conservative Australia.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
I see what you did there, slipping in an extra question. I don't believe in religion. I half-heartedly follow politics.
Day 20: You're views on drugs and alcohol.
It's a personal choice, and one that I think you have the right to not be judged on. I'm pro drugs and alcohol.
So anyway, enough of that.
Well, I don't really have a hero/heroes. And anyone who I have an unnatural obsession with tends to be far enough removed from my actual life that they don't really have the capacity to disappoint me, except by making lousy music.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
These questions are actually draining me of my will to live. Well, at some point in your life, you always are forced to live without someone you think you can't live without, because it's out of your hands. I really missed eating Milo cereal when I was in Japan, but I seemed to be alive while I was there, which constitutes 'living' without something.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Microeconomics.
Day 17: A book you've read that changed your views on something.
Harry Potter. Now I feel as if I can blame my terrible moods on Dementors.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Two of my close friends are gay. But even if they weren't my close friends, I still feel incredibly strongly about gay people being allowed to get married. The fact they can't is a stupid and outdated concept, and is a sad and frustrating reflection on conservative Australia.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
I see what you did there, slipping in an extra question. I don't believe in religion. I half-heartedly follow politics.
Day 20: You're views on drugs and alcohol.
It's a personal choice, and one that I think you have the right to not be judged on. I'm pro drugs and alcohol.
So anyway, enough of that.
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